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Demanding change. Inescapable change. What we want-- what wesay we want -- whether or not it is this particular change I see now inmy mirror. But change is what makes us tremble when it comes. Forchange demands the person changed to manage, to cope. To fit the changeinto the interlocking tiny pieces of our daily lives. To discover howto continue when, looking within, there are no memories to help, noguidebooks to be found. When looking within I see: I am still me. If Iam changed, I still am me. How now will I learn to sit just so, to walkthis way, not that; to put this on, and that. Know this will be alrightbut that will never do at all. I do not know. The list of what I do notknow unrolls as quickly as spilled water races across the floor, andall I can do is gape. If I have changed, nothing else has: The book I read last night stillon the floor beside me, the trees, the wall, the corner of street thatI can see through my window just the same. Inside my closet, there arestill only. He won't hurtyou. Do you understand me?" I nodded."Good girl", you told me, smiling. You wiped a spot of cum from my mouthwith my own panty, gave me a little kiss, and told me to go into thebathroom with him. Then you left the house.I went trough an aisle and followed the sound of the water to find thebath. It was foggy inside the huge bathroom, and I could see John fallenflat on the tub, relaxed.I coughed, shy. He opened his eyes and looked at me."Er... Do you... Do you want a massage?" I asked timidly, trying to behelpful."Yes, may be", he told me, stretching his arm and taking the handle ofthe leash that was still hanging from my neck.He pulled violently from it, making me fall on my knees, then pulledagain, throwing me headlong into the bathtub."But first you have to clean up this filthy face, faggot!" He stood upand tossed the rest of my body inside the warm water. I fell twisted,caught by surprise, and fell into the warm water.I sat up and looked at John with fear. He was out.
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